The Freelance Boyfriend…Or not

NOW

Its 9.43am.

I’m still in his house. He is in his room-asleep or pretending to be.

I’m so tempted to drop a note on his dinning table.

Nothing can wash off this filth…this dirt on my skin. Its crawling all over me and I’m screaming ”get off me please”

I feel stupid-I swear.

LAST NIGHT

Last night was different.

We’ve never had a really deep conversation. Yesterday was our first time. We talked about our families and hopes and dreams and regrets and the last time. It was awkward. I’m not keen on emotional expressions , so, I tried to include as much humor as I could. But, I could see the spark in his eyes; he wanted to talk. He wanted to know me and I; I didn’t want to know him. There was a time I would kill to know him but not today. Trying to know him days before today had hurt me in more ways than I expected. My head was too clear to go down that road-again.

We had dinner.

I had a stick or whatever of fried plantain.

He had Eba and my favorite soup-Afang.

He seemed happy. He said he was ‘really really’ happy to see me again. He said I dis appeared and he hopes I dont disappear again.

LAST YEAR

The last time I spoke to him was last year. I slept over at his house and left the next morning. That was the first time we kissed- I felt nothing till I started missing him. I’ll remember that kiss and feel something. Then I’ll remember we were not even anything and how one kiss could lead to a million other thoughts (shapes and sizes) and I would beg God to forgive me.

After that day, I was a ghost to him. I was there but not there. It was a pretty good plan till last night.

LAST NIGHT

We bumped into each other at the most random place last night- The Place at Lekki.

I was with a friend.

He walked in with his usual calm aura. He looked tired though.

I smiled when I saw him and tried to look nonchalant. I gave him a quick side hug and chanted my random gibberish…gibberish like I said. It will probably take me a lifetime to figure out what they entailed. He knew this part of me; so, he quickly asked “where have you been?” I said “O! I’ve been here and there” then I quickly added “Okay then, see you some other time. It was good seeing you.” I dashed out to catch my breath. I’ve been running-just not with my legs.

Everyone was on their own.

There were occasional exchange of glances between us and sometimes, I would give him a fake smile.

My friend and I were talking about Illustrations when he came over to our table and said ” can I seat?” The friend said  “Sure”. I gave her one kind of look that she wont be able to explain in her lifetime. Who sent her? He knew what I was thinking because I saw him give me that grin. He looked at my neck and said “give me that piece”. Like someone they gave ‘jazz’ (love portion)to, I smiled while taking it off, then I wore it on his neck (he asked).

He started talking about work. I didn’t care: so, I told him. He smiled “you never cease to amaze me.” I said ” O. Okay”

As soon as he stepped out to ease himself. I quickly carried my bag, said goodnight to my new friend and started walking towards the door when I heard someone call me. I turned, he was the one “you’re leaving?” I shined my teeth as I said ” O. Yes o. Goodnight.” I continued walking towards the door when he shouted “Wait.” He walked towards me and said “I’m leaving now too. Let me quickly say hi to someone  then we’ll just go together.”

What????!!!!!!!

The person he went to say ‘hi’ to was the new friend I was sitting with o!! Next thing he was dialing numbers on his phone and I just shook my head.

THE DRIVE HOME

In the car, he said ” so, you were going to leave without seeing me?” and I said “Yes.” He said “seriously?” and I said ” Yes”

It was a long drive home. He kept talking. Stanley never talks. What happened?

I just listened and somehow found myself in his driveway.

If you give me a slap on my face and say “Chika, you are so confused” or “You don’t know what you’re doing.” I won’t turn the other cheek. I’ll just give you a big hug and say ”you’re right honey”.

I mean, I know Stanley has a flock of females on his field. he is like a Females only’ Shepherd. And the herd just keeps increasing. He said he was supposed to be hanging out with a friend but couldn’t let me go because it was too late and he was concerned. He has never been this concerned before. He always had this attitude that made attempts to know him feel like I was struggling to be a part of his herd and he didn’t have more space so I have to wait my turn. But, this attitude made me wonder. Its probably not real.

So, what exactly was I doing in his driveway?

I looked at him  before getting out of the car and said “Really, why are you telling me all these? I thought you didn’t trust me?” He laughed out and said “It’s so good to see you again Chika. Really.” and I said “na so!!” I didn’t believe him but somehow, I knew he was being honest.

LAST NIGHT

He gave me a hug and said “Don’t disappear like that again.”.

I didn’t hug him back. I just  stood like Robocop!!!

He asked why I wasn’t hugging back and I said “This right here is a Chinese movie. The guys do the hugging. The girls stand like statues”(see a Chinese movie to understand.)

When the talking and dinner was over, it was bed time.

We laughed a lot last night. We cracked hard at nothing.

We somehow knew we had taken another step in the ‘whatever’ we have.

I was worried about that. My flighty nature will turn this upside down tomorrow.

He kissed me and I knew I had missed him. I really really missed him.

But, I had to sleep.

TODAY

Its 10.31am.

He’s awake now. Or done pretending.

But I need to leave.

Some minutes ago, I heard him talking to a girl. He said he didn’t get why she was bothered about him having girlfriends when he doesn’t. Then, I heard him mention my name. He  said “Who? Chika? Chika is one of those girls. Ask her when you see her.”

He was right.

I am the fool  who followed him to his house.

I don’t blame him for how I feel. I blame myself.

After I put this full stop, I will take my bag and the sleeping shirt he gave me and walk out of this house without telling him-since, I’m ‘one of those girls’, it wouldn’t make a difference. Everything in me hopes I am wrong but vibes, though a subconcious act;never lies.

Stanley is just ‘one of those guys’- The Freelance Boyfriend who likes you and every other girl.

You deserve better. You should demand for better

I deserve better. I am demanding for better.

 

Happy Valentine’s day honey!!!!

Thou shall not date the FREELANCE BOYFRIEND